i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize