We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I can't put those talents on a resume
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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