I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
