i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize