I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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