i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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