Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
