the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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