so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
