masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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