My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
