I am in a vortex of obligation.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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