I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
