masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
