after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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