There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
