she woke up with a sticky ear
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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