Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
