loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
