So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
