I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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