I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
