after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
