I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
