I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
