I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize