Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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