He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
