i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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