I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
