I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
