ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
