and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
