As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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