So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You are a genius and a whore.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
