Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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