I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I need to calm my uterus...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
