I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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