i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
