Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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