Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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