I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
