is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
