and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
