I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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