Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
