Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize