Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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