member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
