suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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