these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
