If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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