you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
