Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
