I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
