Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize