Already got asked if we're dating
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
