I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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