May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
