we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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