I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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