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Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
