My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Farmville is her only friend.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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