How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize