My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
