He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
did i just pee glitter
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize