K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
