If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
