bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
