Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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