So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
