I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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