I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
