His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
