You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
