Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
