i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
even my farts smell like vagina
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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