i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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