arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
