i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize