a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
