Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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