shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
